I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
