I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
