Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
