Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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