I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
