I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
