Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
