Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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