the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
