bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
