I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
