worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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