i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
