can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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