ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
