If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
tell me about the eggs
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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