i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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