She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
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