I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
