I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
