she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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