Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize