It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
