i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
