Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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