ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
