I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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