do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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