Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
