He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Panties = found
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