I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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