sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
