Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i dont even know how to be here
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
