I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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