what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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