sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
