I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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