So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
