i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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