i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize