My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize