dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
