If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
