Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
