8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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