i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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