She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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