Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
