now i know why i became what i already was.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
