There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
