i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i need an iv and a liver transplant
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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