I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize