ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
