I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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