You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
