I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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