Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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