i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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