Barsexuality is the new black.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
