Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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