his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
