Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize