Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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