are you still at the devil's house?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Randomize
