I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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