all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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