There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
