I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
