$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
