guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
