i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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