There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
