Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
