how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
