So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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