I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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